just ask the stupid question
You've been here before. People rambling in meetings, loving to hear their own voice. Your brain slowly rots away. Maybe you just don’t have enough context to understand what they’re saying. Asking for clarification would look dumb, right?
I’m in a new tech organization where 50% of workers come with no baggage (free spirits, like me) and the other 50% have legacy products that apparently have been ”lifted into” our org, which means, someone has already decided that we’re going to use their product. I think choice of tech is a team concern. If I would challenge this choice of tech and how the choice was taken, I would challenge the raison d'etre of those product people and thus get personal real quick.
I did it. When phrasing the question, my heart rate doubled because it is a sensitive question. I noticed the leader of the product got defensive immediately about the choice and started rambling about how it is the optimal platform choice, etc. I interrupted him, clarifying
ok, I don’t question the choice. I question how the choice was made, because I think it should be done on a team level. Who took the decision?
I got no clear answers to that very clear question. But it made people think and chime in on the critique.
Look, here’s the thing. If you sit quiet in a whole meeting, not fully understanding what is said, you are wasting not only your time, but also all others that also don’t understand. Everyone thinks they are too dumb or lack context to understand. Most talkers don’t mind being interrupted.
Also, and this is a big one: That heart-rate doubling thing is so addictive, it's like a mental workout.
After asking the sensitive question at work today I got so stoked. I did it again tonight at church leadership. Just ask the dumb clarifying question. Yes, you will get nervous and hot around the ears. Who cares? We're trying to build the best church we possibly can. I don’t have time for conflict averseness. Nobody has. We have an important mission to take action on. Then we can’t just be a coffee club with ramblers. We need questions that matter. We need to connect and understand each other fully, for real. I'm not interested in getting to know your facade. I'm interested in getting to know the true you, without polished corners and perfect speech.